A Softer Approach
Hi friend,
“Have you ever found yourself turning self-care into homework? Or beating yourself up for not practicing self-compassion as consistently as you'd like to?
Me too.
I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself trying to perfect my "perfectionism recovery."
(Case in point when I proclaimed myself a "recovery ninja warrior" and vowed to spend 1-2 hours per day doing activities/exercises aimed at curbing my perfectionist and overachiever tendencies. No, the irony is not lost on me. But yes, it DID take me a bit of time to realize that this was yet another instance of my Type A+ Perfectionist brain running away with me.)
This is completely normal and understandable, and it does NOT mean that we should just throw in the towel on our self-care efforts. (Indeed, doing so would be once again letting our perfectionist black-and-white thinking get the best of us - i.e., "I clearly haven't mastered loosening the reins yet, so why bother?")
What it DOES mean is that it is worth making a conscious — albeit gentle — effort to soften our approach.
This is perfectly captured by a quote by author, therapist, meditation teacher, and (fun but little-known fact) lawyer, Bob Sharples, which I recently came across and immediately fell in love with:
I believe Sharples’ recommended approach to meditation applies equally to basically any act of self-care or authentically-driven personal development we are drawn to.
That is, we should do those things — whatever they may be (which is up to us and only us to decide, though we may choose to welcome suggestions from others), but aim to remove the pressure, sense of obligation, and expectations when we do so.
This means:
Focusing less on checking self-care practices off of our to-do list or doing them for prescribed amounts of time, and instead, making a point of pausing throughout the day to ask ourselves, "What do I really need right now?" and "How can I care for myself in this moment?"; and then
Allowing ourselves to actually do that thing — not to fix or improve ourselves, but as an act of love and recognition that we are worthy of love and care exactly as we are.
So today, my friend, I encourage you to cut yourself some slack, stop worrying about whatever self-care practice you think you should be doing, and instead ask yourself:
What do I really need in this moment?
Then, go ahead and take that step — not because I told you to, but as an act of love for yourself, and in recognition of the fact that you are 100% worthy of love and care exactly as you are.
As always, know that I am rooting for you!
With love,
Jordana
P.S. If you catch yourself criticizing yourself for not doing THIS “practice” well or regularly enough: Lather, rinse, and repeat:)
