Guiding Principles

Hi friend,

My husband Zach and I rescheduled our wedding five times during the start of COVID. 

But whenever someone asks how that period of disruption impacted us, we invariably respond that it was hands down the best time in our relationship.

I’m sure this is partially because we got to know each other better – we undoubtedly learned more about each other during lockdown than we would have in another ten years living together in the “before times.”  

But I also know that this forced intimacy and proximity cut different ways for many couples.

So instead, I chalk the magical nature of that otherwise extremely scary and anxiety-provoking period up to our willingness and commitment to heed three guiding principles.

For context, roughly one week into lockdown, once it had become unavoidably clear just how challenging co-working in our cramped NYC apartment would be, I proclaimed that if we wanted to avoid killing each other during this period, we would both need to agree to be:

1. Extra conscientious, 

2. Extra tolerant, and 

3. Extra creative in and committed to finding ways to create joyful moments on a regular basis.

And we did.

Two naturally loud speakers (OK maybe I’m just a little bit louder), we both became much more intentional about using our inside voices and undertaking other precautions to avoid overcrowding, overstimulating, or otherwise interrupting each other’s groove.  

(A refrigerator “Gratitude Gold Star Tracker” sticker system worked wonders in terms of encouraging such behaviors and quickly inspired a friendly competition whereby we both sought to one-up the other’s acts of conscientiousness and service.  Now there’s a game that’s truly win-win!).

We also made an extra effort to avoid responding with blame or frustration when one of us inevitably omitted to do one of the aforementioned things or otherwise engaged in some form of unintentional button-pushing.

But most of all, we leaned into finding joy and infusing laughter, love, and playfulness into what could have easily remained an interminable string of mundane or even morose moments. 

(Case in point, hosting a lavish Harry Potter-themed party for two to celebrate Zach finishing the series — because what screams joy more than chopstick wands, dustpan quidditch, Moaning Myrtle and “This Way to the Ministry of Magic” posters in the bathroom, and butterbeer cupcakes?!).

Do I wish that I could go back to the circumstances of that year?

Of course not.  

But do I believe that both my relationship and my life more broadly would benefit if I could remember to continue heeding those principles with the same intentionality and devotion that I did during that time? 

Absolutely – and I am hereby reinstating my commitment to try.

Not because I’m afraid Zach and I will kill each other if I don’t — our move to the suburbs eliminated the delicate balancing act that simultaneous Zoom calls (and storing tupperware) used to present.

But because I remember just how sweet life can be when I do.

So today, friend, I encourage you to ask yourself:

What would it look like for you to approach your life with a little extra conscientiousness, extra tolerance, and an extra commitment to creating joyful moments? 

And, more importantly, how would it feel?

Then, go ahead and take whatever steps will allow you to embrace those positive feelings.  

Because while we cannot always (or even often) control what life throws at us, it is always within our power to create something sweet.

With love,

Jordana