Never Prouder
Hi friend,
I absolutely love this photo – not for what it contains (though those tiny feet are pretty adorable), but for what it doesn’t.
It was taken at my 20-week anatomy scan, the point of which is to assess the baby’s development and determine if there are any abnormalities that could indicate a problem.
My husband Zach and I were relieved and delighted to hear that everything checked out and there was no cause for concern.
The ultrasound technician seemed less satisfied.
“Come on, baby!” she said as she gently jostled my stomach.
When I inquired as to what the issue was, she told me that she hadn’t yet been able to get a “profile shot.”
“Is that an important measurement?” I asked.
“No, it just looks nice. Come on, baby!”
That was all I needed to hear.
“Zach, let’s go! The little one gave us everything we need. Time to let her be!”
I can officially say that was the very first time I felt proud of my daughter.
She was doing her.
She didn’t feel the need to pose on command or contort herself to please me, Zach, or anyone else.
You might say she was maintaining a BOUNDARY – something I’ve only recently learned to do myself.
And I’ll be damned if I was going to do anything but celebrate that fact.
Why?
Because I’ve learned first-hand how easy it is to submit to the pressure (implicit or explicit) to be “good.”
To contain or contort myself to avoid judgment, keep others happy, or alleviate their distress.
To hustle to secure the praise and validation that I believed would prove my worth (only to learn that any such reassurance would inevitably prove fleeting).
And to stifle my authenticity, creativity, and inner sparkle in the process.
I’ve also witnessed the immense toll this chronic pleasing and performing takes – on both my personal health and well-being and my ability to provide my greatest value to the world.
I do not want my daughter to have to wait to hit her breaking point – years into her career – to finally pause and reflect on her core values.
I do not want her to spend decades convinced she hasn’t a single creative bone in her body, only to learn that her creativity has been there all along – albeit buried deep beneath the weight of her perfectionism.
And I do not want her to waste a lifetime yielding to the admonitions of her inner-critic, only to learn that it’s neither keeping her safe nor pushing her forward, and that self-compassion (which she’s always viewed as an indulgent weakness) would empower her more than she could ever know.
It’s for these reasons that when a family member asked what percentile my daughter ranked in the anatomy scan (harkening back memories of bringing home a 96 on a test and being “jokingly” asked, “What happened to the other four points?”), I responded, “Healthy and seemingly happy. And I could ask for absolutely nothing more.”
I’m determined for my daughter to grow up with the courage to show up as her true self rather than striving to color neatly within the lines of someone else’s ideal. And I know that the best thing that I can do – for both her and myself – is to push myself to lead by example.
So today, friend, I invite you to join me in celebrating my future daughter’s untainted authenticity by asking yourself what it would be like for you to go a full day without trying to please, perfect, or otherwise prove your worth.
Then, gather your courage and give yourself permission to go ahead and let that day play out, reminding yourself that you’re not only worthy – you’re down right picture perfect – exactly as you are.
With love,
Jordana
