Listen Up: Because This Post Just Might Save Your Life

Hi Friend,

I know you might be in speed-scroll mode right now, but pay attention, because this post just might save your life.

In addition to housing Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day, and other variations on this holiday honoring our relationships, February is also Heart Health Awareness Month.  

That’s actually extremely fitting. 

Research shows that, in addition to being absolutely critical for our mental and emotional well-being, our relationships also dramatically impact our PHYSICAL health and even our life-expectancy. 

Indeed, some studies suggest that our relationships impact our health more than any other factor, including diet, exercise, and even smoking.  And while there are definitely a number of things at play here, this can largely be explained by the way social connection affects our physiological response to stress.

Before I explain what I mean, I want you to close your eyes for a minute and think about how you typically respond to stress.

If you’re anything like me, you probably imagined yourself hunkering down and walling yourself off from social interaction. 

If so, you’re not alone. 

Many people – especially us Type A+ achievers – tend to retreat into our shells when the going gets tough, working late (even when it means we’ll miss our only opportunity to connect with our partner that day), eating lunch at our desks (even if we’ve barely stood, much less moved, since breakfast), and going out of our way to avoid hallway chats that might slow us down. 

I’ll admit I’m guilty of all of these things (case in point, the salt in my keyboard from far too many lunches spent at my desk).

But this approach, which we BELIEVE reflects our willpower and determination, is actually counterproductive for multiple science-backed reasons.

The first is that each time we have a positive social interaction (or what positive psychology researchers call a “high-quality connection”), our bodies release a neurotransmitter called oxytocin, which not only reduces anxiety and heightens concentration, but also helps our blood vessels stay relaxed and our heart cells regenerate and heal from any stress-induced damage.

And if that weren’t enough, each high-quality connection also reduces the level of cortisol in our bodies, helping us recover more quickly from stress by bringing our heart rate and blood pressure back to resting, and protecting us from long-term negative effects.

In other words, social support can effectively CANCEL OUT the negative effects of stress, imbuing us with a degree of physiological resourcefulness that ultimately enables us to work harder and more effectively without sacrificing our minds and bodies.  

And critically, our social interactions need not be lengthy to count.  Indeed, even micro-moments of positive connection can be enough to do the trick. 

Leading positive psychology expert Barbara Fredrickson coined the term “positivity resonance,” which she defines as those fleeting moments where two people experience a mutual surge of warmth, joy, humor, or affection, causing them to achieve a sense of oneness.  According to Fredrickson, it’s these micro-moments of connection that facilitate the sort of intimacy that strengthens a relationship and ultimately leads to love.

They also support longevity.  In a recent study of romantic couples, researchers found that the frequency of positivity resonance was a powerful predictor of not only relationship satisfaction, but also the physical health and lifespan of both partners.  Specifically, partners in relationships with high positivity resonance had milder declines in their health over the next 13 years and were statistically more likely to be alive 13 years later.

That is huge!

So while there is absolutely nothing wrong with grand Valentine’s Day gestures (mine happily involved making sushi and dancing in the kitchen in pajamas), it appears that the micro-moments of positive connection we sprinkle into our days (or don’t…) can pack a far more powerful punch (that happens to be what we do every Friday night 😆😍).

And this is equally true for platonic relationships.

I absolutely love Brené Brown’s metaphor of friendship as a marble jar. According to Brown, every time someone does something kind to support you or earn your trust, they put a marble in your jar.  And, at the end of the day, it’s the people who eventually fill up your jar that become your truest friends.

Think about it.  It is so simple to put a marble in the jar.  And yet we so frequently speed by and overlook the countless opportunities we have to do so every day.  It need not take a lot of time, but it does require intentionality and a willingness to slow down just enough to take a moment to connect.

So for the remainder of this month, I challenge you to invest in your relationships (and yourself!) by seeing how much positivity resonance you can sprinkle throughout your days.  Make a commitment to allow yourself to start filling up your jar (and your heart) through these daily micro-moments of connection.  I have no doubt you will find it life-changing, and it may actually end up being life-saving.

And, as always, if this resonates or if you try this out, please don’t hesitate to reach out to let me know how it goes.  It always warms MY heart to hear from you and you’ll be delivering BOTH of us a boost that lifts us up :)

With love,

Jordana