How to Avoid the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
Hi Friend,
Last week I posted about the life-extending properties of connection, but the truth is you could still die tomorrow.
We all could.
So it’s worth reflecting on what it would take for you to say that you had a life well-lived should that come to pass.
The findings of Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative nurse who spent years caring for the dying in their last three months of life, are telling. In her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Ware recounts that when her patients shared about regrets or things they wish they’d done differently, common themes surfaced again and again.
Which regrets made the top five? Well I’ll tell you what that list did NOT include:
It did not include anything related to wealth (“I wish I’d earned more”)
It did not include anything related to physical appearance (“I wish I was fitter/skinnier/more attractive”)
It did not include not working enough hours
It did not include anything about accolades or recognition
Instead, the five greatest regrets of the dying were:
Make it stand out
Every time I read this list I find it sobering, as I reflect on how many of these regrets I’d have if I died today.
But that sentiment is quickly replaced with inspiration, as I remind myself that it is not too late, and that I can still re-calibrate and readjust to make the most of my living hours – however many of them might remain. Indeed, I’ve already done so multiple times, which is why my list of regrets would be much shorter today than it would have been just a few years ago.
For me, it all boils down to honoring my values rather than leading a life dictated by fear.
I always say that if I could have any superpower it would be to banish the word “should” from my lexicon, because I truly believe that most if not all other regrets on Ware’s list stem from the first (which she found to be the most common regret of all).
So today, I challenge you to think about what “shoulds” are currently driving your decisions, and to really imagine what your life would look like if you were to abandon those “shoulds” and live a life completely true to yourself – whatever that means to you.
Once you have a clear picture, ask yourself exactly would have to change to make that vision a reality.
I’m not saying you have to overhaul your whole life immediately, but try to identify at least one step you can take – or one “should” you can buck – to start honoring yourself more fully today.
If you’re looking for some guidance, I developed a Values Discovery Guide to help you identify the values that are most central to your sense of self, and to identify steps you can take to achieve greater alignment with them both over the long-term and in your day-to-day life.
And, as always, if any of this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out by email (jordana@jordanaconfino.com) or LinkedIn to let me know. Connecting with people like you about topics like this is one of my very favorite ways to honor MY true self, and it would make my day to hear from you:)
With love,
Jordana
